‘It was exhausting’: Mark Foster opens up on decades of lies to hide his sexuality

British swimming great Mark Foster has revealed how he spent decades living a “double life”, spinning a web of lies to conceal his sexuality while competing at the highest level of sport.

The five-time Olympian and former Team GB flag bearer admits becoming so adept at telling “half-truths and outright lies” that deception became second nature as he tried to keep his personal and professional lives completely separate.

Speaking ahead of the release of his memoir My Double Life, the 56-year-old says the strain of hiding who he really was became overwhelming.

“I lived a double life. I kept my work and home lives completely separate, never the twain would meet,” Foster said. “I got very good at telling half truths and outright lies. It was exhausting.

“When society tells you it's not right, whether it be from the playground, the changing room or the TV, I kind of went, ‘OK, whatever I'm feeling, I can’t be that person.’ That little secret became bigger and bigger.”

For years, Foster carefully managed his public image while privately coming to terms with his sexuality. He even enlisted the help of a female friend, Catherine, to pose as his girlfriend in public.

“Her actual partner didn’t mind, thankfully,” he joked.

Despite winning 47 major international titles, claiming six world championships, 11 European crowns and breaking eight world records, Foster feared being outed throughout his glittering career.

The former swimmer said he was reluctant to tell teammates he shared rooms with on international trips that he was gay, despite many of them later becoming close friends.

“Even when I was the Team GB swimming captain, I’d be on the coach having a chat, but getting ready with a response if anyone asked about my personal life,” he recalled. “It was a tangled web of lies.”

Foster only publicly came out in 2017 at the age of 47, having previously shared the truth only with close family and friends.

He believes there are still elite sportspeople hiding their sexuality, particularly in football.

“In the Premier League there has to be footballers that will be gay,” he said.

“There must be stories of some incredibly talented, incredibly gifted footballers who felt they could not be openly gay in that environment because they felt it wasn't going to be a safe place for them.”

The Essex-based broadcaster pointed to the experience of Justin Fashanu, the first professional footballer to come out as gay, as evidence of why many athletes remained fearful for so long.

“His story really affects me to this day,” Foster said. “He was incredibly brave, but it goes some way to explaining why many gay people, myself included, felt unsafe to come out publicly.

“Do I think it's got better? Yes. Do I think it's where it should be? No. It's got a long way to go. People still use hate speech and call it free speech. There is still prejudice and widespread homophobia. It’s bullying.”

Foster says he first realised he might be gay after developing a crush on James Bond star Sean Connery as a child, but only fully understood his sexuality when he fell in love with his first boyfriend, Vince, at the age of 21.

Telling his mother Sheila was another major hurdle.

“When I told my mum I was gay, she said she hoped it was a phase. What would she tell the neighbours?” he recalled. “She then became my biggest supporter.”

He also spoke about the impact of growing up during the HIV crisis.

“It was frightening to be gay back then. The HIV crisis frightened a lot of people. It became another way of drumming up hatred for gay people.”

After retiring following the 2008 Beijing Olympics, Foster's profile grew even further through television appearances, including a stint on Strictly Come Dancing.

At the time, journalists frequently speculated about his private life. His long-term partner Vince Constantine was forced to pretend he was merely a family friend when reporters called, while rumours also circulated linking Foster romantically with fellow athlete Colin Jackson.

“If you Google us, it’s on the internet that we were a couple,” Foster said. “But I'm sorry to tell you that’s not true.”

Today, Foster says he is happier than ever and living openly with his partner Craig McKay, whom he met in a café five years ago.

“He took a chance on me five years ago,” Foster said. “I am the most authentically myself that I have ever been. I don't have to dance around the truth, which is liberating.”

The former swimmer has even had the word “TRUTH” tattooed on his wrist as a reminder of the freedom that comes with honesty.

“There's that saying, ‘the truth will set you free’. It’s true for me.”

Looking back, Foster believes the fear of being seen may even have affected his sporting ambitions.

“Four-time Australian Olympic swimming champion Peter Evans told me I didn't want to win Olympic gold because I didn't want to be seen. Maybe there's something in it.”

But his focus now is firmly on helping others.

“I decided to come out to help others and, if sharing my truth helps just one person feel like they can be themselves too, I've done the right thing.”

My Double Life by Mark Foster is published by Bloomsbury Sport.