Why so many queer women are finally getting diagnosed in their thirties and what actually helps

A common misconception that’s been circulating for years is that most neurodivergent conditions affect male individuals more than female individuals. The reality is that so many women are getting diagnosed later in life, and it’s especially true for women of the LGBTQ+ community. 

Going through life with a newfound knowledge may seem challenging, as it requires you to face and accept aspects of your life you didn’t recognise right away.  But rest assured, embracing your identity as a queer, neurodivergent person can feel fulfilling.

Neurodivergent Diagnoses Surge Among Women

Neurodivergence affects anyone whose mind works and thinks in ways society views differently from the norm. It’s always affected both men and women, but there’s a bit more evidence suggesting a surge among women in their thirties. 

Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) affects numerous age groups and people of all genders. However, a recent study confirmed that the number of women newly diagnosed with ADHD between 30 and 49 years of age has doubled from 2020 to 2022. 

Many women receive their diagnosis later in life compared to their male counterparts. There are millions of people around the world who try to navigate life with ADHD, and having to go through it without knowing about their symptoms or getting prescriptions for it could have involved quite the learning curve. 

Autism

Another study investigated the relationship between autism spectrum disorder (ASD), sex and age at diagnosis. Past evidence had pointed out that autism was nearly four times more prevalent in boys than in girls. 

However, the truth is that the gap in the male-to-female ratio has decreased over time, attributed to the increasing age of diagnosis. The shift starts in later teenage years, but the numbers are apparent across other age ranges, including your thirties. It’s still unclear why women are diagnosed later compared to men. 

Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar disorder is another form of neurodivergence that affects many people. The World Health Organization (WHO) says that women are more often diagnosed with bipolar disorder compared to men, with the condition observed most among working-age people. 

However, the WHO adds that the prevalence of bipolar disorder among men and women should likely be equal. People in their youth could also spot certain symptoms and get diagnosed.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) also affects many people, regardless of age, gender and social or cultural background. However, OCD is a little more prevalent in women than in men, with a UK charity reporting that 75% of the users requesting its assistance are women. 

It is theorised that women may be more forthcoming regarding their feelings and emotions compared to men, which can prevent men from seeking professional help and getting diagnosed. 

Understanding The Meaning of Queer Neurodivergent

Queerness and neurodivergence can overlap in several ways. People within each community are less likely to follow societal expectations and more likely to deviate from arbitrary norms. This is especially the case for queer women who go against the grain of what a traditional woman would think and act like. 

Some individuals actually realise that they’re both queer and neurodivergent at once. Evidence points to the fact that autistic people are eight times more likely to identify as LGBTQ+. While the numbers may differ across other neurological disorders, there is comfort in knowing that these identities align closely. 

The overlap has sparked terms such as neuroqueer, which refers to the queerness of neurodivergence and vice versa. The idea is that social differences can contribute to these neurological nuances and affect how you perceive yourself. Women in their thirties may not have made the connection right away because of masking their emotions or attributing everything to their queer identity. 

Caring for Your Mental Health Throughout Your LGBTQ+ Life

Leading life as a queer and neurodivergent woman is a unique experience, and realising it during your thirties can lead to a slew of realisations. Here are some solutions to protect your mental health. 

1. Understand the Parts Linked to Being Neuroqueer

Neurodivergence and queerness can manifest in all kinds of ways, from how you practice self-control to your overall perspective of the world. Understanding these elements can help you recognise how you stray from normativities. 

Figuring out which of your traits go back to being neuroqueer is also a key step in figuring out who you want to be, and not just what society tells you to be. Identify which behaviours to change and become one step closer to accepting yourself.

2. Consider Professional Help

Getting therapy and medication can involve many hurdles. LGBTQ+ patients fear discrimination and mistreatment while dealing with unequal access to care. However, these tools and resources can help you better understand yourself and regulate certain symptoms. 

Explore queer-friendly healthcare facilities and professionals in your area. You can connect with people you know for recommendations, or approach organisations that deliver LGBTQIA-centred mental health care. 

3. Communicate with Your Loved Ones

Having ADHD, autism and other forms of neurodivergence while being queer can bring several complexities in your own identity, as well as your relationships with family, friends and your partner. 

It’s good to keep them in the loop about your discoveries and get support as you navigate how neuroqueer behaviour manifests. Ask for insights on how you can be a better relative, friend or partner along the way. 

4. Protect Your Peace Amidst Different Narratives

Neuroqueerness portrayed or mentioned in the media is a win for visibility. However, there may be times when these create an inaccurate or totally negative connotation around who you are, and it can be frustrating. 

While it’s important to engage in conversations surrounding such topics to correct the narrative around being queer and neurodivergent, you shouldn’t have to sacrifice your own peace of mind. Learn when to walk away from disrespect. 

5. Practice Creative Expression as Outlets

Creative expression has always been an excellent outlet for your mental well-being, but it can be especially helpful for queer neurodivergent people. Approximately 20% to 50% of creatives within the UK are already neurodiverse. 

Try your hand at writing, painting, music and other forms of art to get the creative juices flowing. Use your experiences to create something beautiful. 

6. Connect with Other Queer Neurodivergent People

Finding your community is a healing step for any queer person, and it stands to reason that building your circle can have the same positive impact for queer neurodivergent people. Find others like you and make those meaningful connections. 

The conversation can be especially fruitful if you find fellow neuroqueer women in their thirties. Talk about your past and discuss what kind of mental health solutions work for you now.

Embracing and Embodying What It Means to Be Neuroqueer

Women are often diagnosed with neurodivergent conditions later in life, but understanding yourself can be empowering. Take care of your mental health throughout this process of introspection and emerge better than ever!