Coffee, Sea Swims and Connection: Meet Tonic! Gay Sober Socials

What happens when sobriety meets community - and why more and more people are looking for exactly that.

There’s a quiet shift happening in LGBTQ+ social life - one that doesn’t revolve around last orders, blurry nights, or needing a drink just to feel part of the room. I caught up with Kevin Sowden and Matt Roff, the co-founders of Tonic! Gay Sober Socials, to talk about what happens when sobriety meets community - and why more and more people are looking for exactly that.

Click to watch our full interview with Matt and Kevin:

Tonic! is a sober social group for gay, bisexual and queer people who identify as male or non-binary. But reducing it to a definition misses the point. At its core, Tonic! is about connection - theatre trips, sea swimming, coffee meet-ups, dinners, walks, life drawing classes, trips away and shared experiences that don’t require alcohol as a social glue. Kevin explained it simply:

A social group where people can turn up as themselves, feel safe, and actually connect.

For Matt, the idea for Tonic! came from lived experience. Early sobriety can feel isolating, especially in queer spaces where socialising is often wrapped around drinking culture.

"When I first got sober,” Matt shared, “it was hard to understand where my place was on the gay scene.”

Rather than waiting for the scene to change, the founders decided to build something new. If the space didn’t exist, they would create it.

That decision has resonated widely. Tonic! now counts more than 200 members in Brighton alone, a clear sign that the need was always there — just unmet. Kevin reflected on how attitudes toward alcohol are shifting, particularly among younger people and those focused on wellbeing. Sobriety and sobriety-curious lifestyles are becoming less fringe and more visible, and LGBTQ+ social spaces are evolving alongside that change.

What makes Tonic! stand out isn’t just the absence of alcohol — it’s the presence of intention. Events range from gentle and grounding to playful and adventurous. Coffee meet-ups provide low-pressure ways to connect. Sea swimming brings people together in shared challenge and exhilaration. Life drawing classes offer creativity and calm. Theatre trips, Brighton Fringe outings, and even trips abroad show that sober socialising doesn’t mean smaller experiences - just different ones.

Kevin and Matt were clear that Tonic! isn’t run for people, but with people. Members are encouraged to suggest ideas, help organise activities, and shape what the group becomes. That sense of shared ownership is part of why the community feels organic rather than prescriptive.

Looking ahead, excitement is building. Alongside staple events like Brighton & Hove Pride, the team is planning something new - a sober Pride-style event focused on connection, rest and recharging. Funding support has made it possible to dream a little bigger, while still staying true to the group’s core values.

Community, more than sobriety alone, kept coming up in conversation. Kevin spoke about how many people aren’t just stepping away from alcohol - they’re looking for meaningful social networks, spaces where conversation isn’t drowned out by music or expectation. Tonic! fills that gap, offering something many didn’t realise they were missing until they found it.

Joining Tonic! is intentionally simple. A website, an Instagram presence, and a WhatsApp-based community keep everything accessible and transparent. Events are shared, conversations flow, and people connect in ways that feel natural rather than forced.

Spending time with Kevin and Matt made one thing very clear: Tonic! isn’t about giving something up. It’s about gaining something else - clarity, confidence, friendships, and a sense of belonging that doesn’t depend on a drink in hand. In a city known for its nightlife, Tonic! proves that queer joy comes in many forms - and sometimes, the most meaningful connections happen over coffee, sea water, or shared silence, rather than a bar.

For anyone questioning where they fit, wondering if there’s another way to connect, or simply curious about sober social life, Tonic! offers a gentle answer: you already belong - exactly as you are.

For anyone curious to learn more, get involved, or simply see what sober social life can look like, Tonic! is always open to new faces. Readers can explore upcoming events and find out more via www.gayandtonic.co.uk/ and follow their journey on Instagram at @gayandtonicuk.